Threadgold's 'Thoroughgrip' Garterettes


Beachcomber intro

Captain Foulenough

BBC Television Series

More Nonsense

Threadgold's Thoroughgrip Garterettes >


Twelve Red-bearded Dwarfs

I found this on the h2g2 site:

A peer was stalking a roebuck
In a misty Scottish glen.
BANG! went his well-charged rifle.
A miss, then BANG! again.

"TWO misses", roared his lordship,
as his stockings trailed in the wet,
"Serves me right for not wearing
a Thoroughgrip Garterette".


Here is an MP3 version (260KB) taken from the World of Beachcomber tape.
A dustman was emptying dustbins
In the heart of a horrible slum,
Where no Viscount's white foot had e'er trodden
And no Marquess would venture to come.

How taut were the socks of that dustman
Would show that he didn't forget
The people's best friend in all troubles
Threadgold's Thoroughgrip Garterette.

Here is an MP3 version (300KB) taken from the World of Beachcomber tape.


I am indebted to Mr Mike Bye of Ontario for the following deathless ditties:

The scene is an elegant soiree,
somewhere in Belgrave Square.
The Tenor is singing "Speak to me, Thora"
but Thora, alas, is elsewhere.

She's eloped with a dastardly Bounder;
a note left says, "Please forget
for I've fallen in love with the Captain
and his Thoroughgrip Garterette.


The scene is the Cricklewood Palais,
the dancers are taking the floor,
The favourite is young Doris Eckersley,
partnered by Alf....Number 54

In the Waltz, she's simply divine;
in the Foxtrot, she's perfectly sweet;
but the Judges won't give Alf the Championship Cup
with the tops of his socks 'round his feet!


Threadgold's Thoroughgrip worn by Peter West!