Vote for Foulenough - And Duty-Free Lard

Captain Foulenough >

The Tiddlehampton and South Mince by-election has been further complicated by the extraordinary news that Captain de Courcy Foulenough, D.T., has decided to stand as an Independent Progressive Liberal, that being the only interest not represented up to this moment.
The constituency has always been considered a safe seat for the first comer, partly because hardly any one of the 26,484 voters ever troubles to vote, and partly because it is difficult to get anybody to stand for such a place. But recent international affairs have ended this apathy, and there are heaps of candidates.
They include Mrs Wickstram (Independent Progressive Communist), Mr Edward Spackford (National Independent), two Siamese Twins, Mr Bargo and Mr Raego Rishfether (Progressive Nationalist), Mr Billy Fagan Thius, a clown (Conservative), Lady Thelma Snatch (National Labour), Miss Boubou Flaring (National Liberal), and several hitherto unidentified candidates.

Captain Foulenough staggered his audience, disgusted what is left of his Committee, and roused his opponents to fury last night by reading out messages of support which he claimed to have received from nine Cabinet Ministers, Mr Clark Gable, Mr Noël Coward, Mr Anthony Eden, Mr Joe Louis, Bishop Mrs Riquette, Tubby Garstang, Mamie Dugold, Harry Armitage, Babs Thornycroft, Trixie, Vi, Polly, Ethel, Madge, Bobo, Curly, Mabel, Dot, Irma, 'Coppernob' Halsey, Flo, Nan, Gert, Myra and Olive.

Miss Boubou Flaring appears to have ceased almost entirely from being a rival candidate. A telegram from the National Liberal Club asked, "What are you doing?" Her reply - or perhaps it was the Captain's reply - raised a storm. It was: "Nothing of which my mother would not approve a kiss here a kiss there a whispered word in the lanes were you guys never young."